b ~ There will be time to murder and create

I have seen siblings
so absorbed in their play;
the unspoken agreement
that one will create,
the other will knock down.

And so it begins. Brick by brick
the tower is slowly constructed.
Then quick as a blink,
it is demolished and torn.
One child is gleeful,
the other equally as happy
to have a clear workspace
and the chance to begin again.

I have always been the builder, the creator,
the maker of the unseen and yet-to-be-imagined–
all with my own two hands.
I cannot conceive of the tearing down, the destruction,
the ruin and murderous intent.

Yet.

One cannot always move forward
without a backward glance.
It is unimaginable that nothing will ever be tweaked
or even cleared to the foundations.
Offering another chance, another hope.
A do-over, a clean break,
an opportunity to start again.

But in life there is no delete or backspace key,
each beginning is built upon an ending.
We learn from our mistakes.
We become the “new and improved”
only by examining and fixing what we see as broken.

There is always time for
sweeping away, clearing the mind
both in a literal and figurative sense.
Getting rid of things that hold me down,
becoming lighter.
This is what I am working on.

I have started an inner excavation,
but sometimes it feels like
a surgical amputation,
to give books away,
to recycle old homework,
to open my grasp on what
I hold dear.

I know I will feel lighter,
that freedom will come from
passing things on to others.
That saying no to something
often means saying yes
to something else.

And so I am practicing.
I am watching those little ones.
I see how precariously they place each block,
I marvel as the tower gets higher and higher.
Then just when it almost reaches the sky,
I imagine me running.
Finding surprise and delight
–not in the creation–
but becoming the one
who finds joy
in the knocking down.

Each time you turn
and open your eyes,
you will see
that there is always
another way to begin.
A new path is placed before us.
And that beauty
can arise from
our toppled ruins.